The Lie Behind Bootstrap Cures: Why Curing Chronic Illness Isn’t Just a Matter of Willpower

I was scrolling today and came across one of those posts - the kind that insists all chronic illness is curable if you just do the right things.The “right things” being, of course: think positively, overhaul your entire life, spend a bunch of money - and somehow summon the energy you don’t have to do things you hate.

And for a moment - she got me. I wanted that.

I wanted to be better.

To be done.

And then the guilt hit. If it really is just about grit and desire... what does that say about me?Why am I still sick?

What Happened When I Tried to Think Myself Better

At the beginning, I really thought I could fix it.I just needed the right tools, the right mindset, the right plan — and I was willing to try everything.I believed the experts knew best.I trusted that the medical system would guide me toward recovery.

At the time, I was having migraines every single day. My body hurt. My brain was foggy. But I was still convinced that if I followed the plan, I’d recover.

Doctors sent me to a pain management course. There, I was told to meditate, name my pain, speak to it kindly, and tell it to go away. I was told a positive attitude was the key to healing. I was taught CBT strategies to reframe my thoughts - and I used them. Religiously.

I named my pain Bob. I spoke to Bob with compassion. I told my body it was safe. I told myself I wasn’t in danger. I smiled. I pushed through. I stayed active. I convinced myself I was getting better. But I wasn’t better. I was pretending I was.

And eventually, I crashed. Hard.

I rested, tried again, and crashed again. And again.

Each time the symptoms got worse. Each time I blamed myself.

Clearly I wasn’t being positive enough.

Clearly I hadn’t mastered my mind.

That’s the cruelty of these cure narratives - when they fail, they don’t get blamed. You do.

It took me a long time to realize…the problem wasn’t me.

The problem was the story I was being sold. And some days, I still have to relearn that.

What the Research - and Real Life - Actually Say

We’ve all seen the shiny recovery stories.The “I cured my illness through mindset” narratives. The morning routines, positive thinking, the detoxes, spiritual awakenings, and diets...

They’re everywhere. And when you’re desperate for answers, they’re tempting.

But those stories often leave something out:

• What happens when those tools don’t work?

• What happens when you do everything “right”… and you’re still sick?

  
  

🥦 The Wellness Culture Myth

There’s a narrative out there - especially in wellness circles - that people who take care of themselves don’t get sick.That those who are sick just need to try harder to be healthy.

That’s the bootstrap story I’m talking about:

The idea that all health boils down to how much you want it, and what you’re willing to do to get it.

People spend millions of dollars every year on supplements, diets, procedures, and programs - all promising to protect them from illness or help them “heal.”

But there are three big problems with that narrative:

1. Even if you do everything right, you can still get sick.

   Illness doesn’t care if you drink green juice or do yoga six times a week.

2. Many of these so-called wellness plans can actually do more harm than good, especially for those of us with chronic illness. Malnutrition, dangerous drug interactions, and unsafe health practices are real risks when you're chasing a cure that doesn't exist.

   
   

3. At the very core of this philosophy is the idea that you are the only factor in your own recovery.

   This kind of culture doesn’t just sell hope - it sells the idea that if you’re still sick… it must be your fault.

   
   

✋ From Wellness Culture to Medical “Cures”

And it’s not just influencers and wellness brands doing it.

Sometimes, the same message comes from inside the medical system.

From people in white coats. From clinics. From treatments we’re told are backed by science.

Things like CBT. Or positive thinking. Or carefully managed exposure therapy.

They’re presented as cures — as if we just need to retrain our thoughts or challenge our beliefs and we’ll be fine.

✋ CBT Isn’t a Cure

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be a helpful tool. I still use some of the strategies.They help me reframe my thoughts, cope with frustration, and find a little breathing room in bad moments.

But CBT doesn’t cure a dysregulated nervous system. It doesn’t rebuild damaged cells. It doesn’t stop chronic migraine or fix immune dysfunction. And it was never meant to.

🧾 CBT has been used for years as a go-to treatment for all kinds of chronic conditions: fibromyalgia, chronic pain, IBS, even neurological disorders like FND. In many of these cases, it's now being reassessed - no longer promoted as a cure, but as a possible support tool for coping. And in some conditions, like ME/CFS, it's been removed from treatment guidelines altogether due to lack of evidence and reports of harm.

The problem isn’t CBT itself - it’s how it’s used. When therapy is offered as the solution to a physical illness, it sends a clear message: this is all in your head.And for a lot of us, that’s where the damage begins.

Being told to reframe your suffering instead of being believed is not care. It’s gaslighting in a clinical setting.

😬 Toxic Positivity Does Real Damage

Positive thinking is not a cure either. Gratitude doesn’t erase pain. Smiling through suffering doesn’t heal it.

🧾 Research has shown that when people are pressured to “stay positive,” especially in medical settings, it can lead to more distress - not less. Being encouraged to suppress fear, sadness, or anger doesn’t make us healthier. It just makes us feel more alone in our pain.

And when positivity becomes a requirement - when we’re expected to be cheerful, grateful, and inspiring while we’re still sick - it’s not support. It’s performance.

Forcing yourself to “focus on the good” when everything hurts doesn’t just feel hollow - it can make you feel like your real emotions are the problem.

You are allowed to feel angry. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to grieve what this illness has taken from you.

But It Worked for Some People…

Just to be clear - if CBT, meditation, diet changes, or mindset work have helped you, that’s valid.I’m genuinely glad they brought you relief.

But for many- many - of us, those same tools are offered like a prescription for healing. And when they don’t work, the failure is pinned on us. Not the method. Not the system. Us.

That kind of pressure doesn’t heal. It isolates. It erodes trust in ourselves. It tells us we’re not trying hard enough - even when we’re already giving everything we have.

🔇 The Stories We Don’t Hear Matter Too

Those “I got better” stories? They’re outliers.

They’re the stories we hear because those people have the energy to tell them. The ones still too sick to get out of bed? They’re silent - but there are far more of them.

🧾 Studies show that only a small percentage of people with conditions like ME/CFS fully recover - some say as low as 5-10%. The similar numbers are true for Fibromyalgia, MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis and many other Chronic Conditions.

But you wouldn’t know that from scrolling online. The stories we hear are often the ones from people who got better - because they can speak. The ones still sick? They’re too busy just surviving.

This is called survivorship bias, and it warps the way we see chronic illness.We start to believe that recovery is normal - and staying sick is somehow a personal failure.

But it’s not. It never was.

We Are Sick - Not Mentally Ill

If you feel like you’re barely making it through the day,that’s not a flaw in your mindset. It’s not a lack of grit. It’s your body asking for mercy.

You are doing enough - even if it doesn’t look like the “wellness journey” someone else is selling. You are not a failure because you’re still sick. You are not weak for needing rest. You are not alone in this.

And Today… I'm Still Sick

I’m not writing this blog from the other side of chronic illness.

I’m still tired. I’m still pacing. I’m still figuring it out.

But I’ve stopped trying to gaslight myself into wellness.

I’ve let go of the idea that positivity will heal me.

And I’ve started making peace with the parts of me that still grieve what I’ve lost.

That blog post I saw today made me question everything - just for a moment.

But I came back to what I know to be true:

We are not broken. We are not lazy. We are not failing.

Some days it’s hard to know what’s real. You start to question your body, your memories, even your own effort. You wonder if maybe you could be doing more - even when you know you’re already giving everything you have.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

So remember - It’s not weakness to say it’s hard. It’s just honesty.